Janessa, you sly dog, you, and now with that new snout, man oh man, watch out, girls in da Bridal Plasty House!! Janessa's out to be Number ONE!! lol! Remember that Debbie Harry
song, "I'm Gonna Be Your Number 1"?? haha! I used to always sing that, and for some bizarre reason or another, I really thought it affected the man I was with!! Made me his Number ONE!! hahahaha! (Okay, I'm just amusing myself, right now, thinking of that, and that I should totally try that again, see if it still works! hahahaha! And maybe I'll get 'something done', too... it's hard not to think of that after you've just watched Bridal Plasty, then you go look in the mirror, think, 'Hmmm, what would I look like with the tiniest nose, ever? haha! I think I'll let that thought pass me by, and I'll need to move away from L.A. as soon as possible, too, since you feel phenomenal pressure here to look perfect -- or fit someone else's idea of what is 'perfect'.. but you know what's really funny about actually living in Los Angeles, California? I really don't come across very many truly beautiful people, here. Nice people, normally attractive people, more than my share of sheer monsters (but enough about my workplace... buh-dum-bum! hahaha! Oh, I kill me! haha! No one else, yet (yes, I'm afraid of going to jail, so I never do anything illegal.... enough to go to jail, God Forbid! lol! )...Okay, sorry about that digression.. that has never happened to me, before... that I am willing to recall ; )
So Janessa has her new nose. Could she breath after she got home in the Recovery Room? And is Allyson on some wild and crazy painkillers that are making her pretend to fly in bed with her 'new arms'?? And are her arms still hideous, or is that just me?? Yick! Why not just lift a few weights, Allyson? I know you're not weighed down by a pesky job, or nuffin'.... or perhaps more weight lifting, less cake lifting?? Oh, I'm jam packed full of practical advice like that... I wonder why da fatties don't seek my counsel, no more, eh?? hahahahaha! You know, I used to want to open a women's gym, but let's face it, I looove to work out with big muscley men... yum! They're fun to watch, and they're waaay more willing to help me place the weights for my favourite 'Get Rid of Cellulite' exercises... (even happy to help! lol!)... but here's the thing about what happens when I'm saying to a woman who might like to get rid of her cellulite, or just to slim down, in general... almost invariably, the 'lady' (and I use that term fairly loosely... haha!) says she does not want to end up looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger
, when I say the best possible way to lose weight and get nice arms and legs is to lift weights... any weights, just get to lifting them, the sooner, da better.. men never assume they will immediately be pumped up from a little weight training, but women do... funny, right? How can I convince women to save their time and money, do some simple weight lifting tricks? I dinny know the answer to that... so no Women's Gym for me... maybe I'll open a Bar, instead!! Would be waaay more fun, anyway, right?? Maybe I could combine them, so you're going around the weight machines, with a cocktail in one hand, a beer in the other, getting chattier and chattier the further you get into youse workout (what workout?? haha!)... Hmmm. I'm looking for a new line of work, maybe that's what I should look into.... maybe I could serve desserts, too, since I loove to bake fancy treats... here's what I could do... I could bring in da customers with the offer of a Free Drink, show them around the weight machines, but make sure all the hotties were walking around, all hot, as hotties like to be.... then feed them full of Cheesecake and cookies, so they would leave happy, would gain back any weight they'd lost at the gym, and would be back for more the next day... see, now that's how to get repeat customers.... and all that from me wincing when I looked at poor Allyson's arms on Bridal Plasty, tongiht!! hahaha! Netty, poor Netty, was voted out of the Bridal Plasty house, tonight... but how poor is Netty? Did you happen to see the rock on her finger? And what, exactly, did she want to have done? She was slim, pretty, lovely hair when she put it back... just a bad attitude, is all, and I'm pretty sure they canny correct for that at the Newport Beach Plastic Surgery Center, no matter how hard they try! lol! These poor girls! Too bad they can't pull a Heidi Montag, and get everything done while they're under the knife! How handy would that be?? Just get a complete make-over in one fell swoop. Would be easy... well, would be painful... and may or may not work out just like you wanted... and then you'd have to have that awkward conversation with your Mom about why you didn't like your genetic background, anymore -- just not marketable, Mom.... don't worry, your Mom will understand... maybe she can go in, too, have a few ribs removed, or something simple like that... how's the dog look? A little fat?? Ugh. Nothing worse than an unattractive dog (or not fit for the Hollywood cameras, anyway) ... plastic surgery for pooches... sounds like a great idea, no?? hahaha! Poor wee dogs! If only we could love ourselves as much as we love our little dogs!! Wouldn't that be a nice world?
Reminds me, I need a new dog!! Must build a new house for new little doggie!! I'll get on that, right away! :) (That's me, by the way... I had my smile fixed -- can you tell? Now I look like every other smiley face in the world!! haha! I draw a happy face on the board at school, all the time, for my students, who are hilariously funny, and who appreciate my sense of humour... I draw the two dots for eyes and the bracket smile, and stand beside it, say to them, 'Looks just like me, right? Two eyes? I've got two eyes... a smile... just like me -- and we all laugh and laugh... it's fun wee jokes like that that make your day a wee bit brighter, no?? haha!)Who is this digressing all the time?? Is it still me?? Ugh. This is not like me, at all. Not at all. That is the last time I have a wee drink during Bridal Plasty!! hahahaha! I laugh because that's clearly not the last time.... there are a few more episodes, so why would I even mislead you like that? Makes no sense... I so sorry. Sowwwy. Did you like the picture of Heidi Montag
?? Good. She did all that work for you, so I'm glad you like it. Her, I mean. It/her, whatever. Semantics, really. You know one of my favourite moments on Bridal Plasty, tonight?? When Allyson, Eeyore-Allyson, says to Lisa Marie, THE most boring person I think I have ever seen on TV, and thus the very best possible competition for the truly motivated Janessa.... anyway, when down-in-the-dumps-Allyson tells Lisa Marie to 'snap out of it, pick yourself up, man'!! hahahaha! Do you know how low you'd have to be for an Eeyore type to even begin to notice you needed to pick yourself up, cheer up a little?? hahaha! Oh, man, this is seriously good TV!
I gotta tell ya', I thought those bouquets they made were hilarious! Really, who doesn't know how to make a bouquet? They're not being asked how to solve World Hunger, or how to build a simple rocket ship... nope, just put some pretty flowers together in the shape of a bouquet, tie them together in some fancy way, done. Lisa Marie's sad attempt was soo hilarious, and Dominique's utter disgust for her flailing friend was fantastic. I love that.
Poor Kristen. Are those new big boobs makin' her look stooopid, or was she like that when she got there?? haha! Does she look like she's about to topple over? Wouldn't it be hilarious if the plastic surgeon had to increase your foot size for every 'D Cup' you went up, so you wouldn't just topple right over? Oh, I would laugh soo hard! Now that's the sort of thing that really appeals to my sense of humour! haha! These girls... why don't they just have a baby, and they'll have huuge breasts before they know it? They're about to get married, so just get to baby-makin', and save your money for a downpayment on a house, and you won't need to have your new giant bras custom made, either.... and why is Kristen always covering up her brand new breasts?? Always with the high neck tops and dresses, now, and how come the camera never really lets us have a good look at her? You know waht I think is really funny? Remember last week, when they kept showing Kristen with her top off, and just blurred her new boobs versus the 'old boobs'? Did anyone else happen to notice that the new boobs are pointing outward, like one said to the other, "I'll meet you 'round back", and the other boob says, 'I'm already halfway there..." haha! Really, she needs that gigantic bra
just to make them stay in the middle! hahahaha!We keep looking at Cheyenne's face to see how different her face looks with the new nose, but she's such a pretty girl, it's hard to tell. Maybe that's the mark of an excellent surgeon... you can hardly tell the difference, but you know the person looks really, really good... hmmm. Or they topple right over... one or the other! lol! Until next time, Love Thyself! To Thine Ownself Be True, and all that (yes, well, I might have made some of that up...! lol!) Oh, and Happy New Year!!! Ailsa xox! :) (See, there I am, again.. two eyes, a smile, that's me, all right... :) lol!)I hope you're having THE best week, ever! Ailsa : )
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Oh, Janessa, you crazy girl! She is completely in charge of all da girls in the Bridal Plasty house, tonight... and she managed to 'outwit' (if we can borrow from Survivor for a second...) Alexandra... what?? How did that happen?? But Alexandra seemed soo smart.... did she say she wanted to have liposuction AND be a new member of 
?? Maybe you left the room when she mumbled that... but I loved the bit where Kristen says shes afraid of Alexandra... that's hilarious! You know you're dealing with a 'rough girl', when you can imagine her doing you some bodily harm! "She'll cut a biiitch!" hahaha! (Which is also the title of a very funny 
show, if you haven't seen it.... now, Kathy Griffin has been through some serious plastic surgery, and she looks fantastic, but she has been very open about how much it hurt, too... beauty hurts, baby!) (Not for me -- the most I'll do that seems even moderately painful is tweeze me eyebrows, and that's my limit!! hahaha! Breast implants? Forget it.... show me what you're willing to implant, first...! lol!)
ever really 'perfect'?? Good luck with that, since there are a million things (and people) who can, and do, throw a monkey wrench into the best-laid plans... (in my case, the GROOM.. first marriage, not the second! hahaha! Yes, ladies, you can have all sorts of weddings... I'm shooting for a third, right now! Or one day... I hope not toooo far in the future!! I loove being married, I just want a really great guy to be married to... is da tricky part! lol!)