#Bridalplasty: Janessa Vs. Allyson - Allyson WINS??? #Marriage #Weddings #Whaaat? #lol! #Wine, Baby! That'll make it all better! lol!

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Omg, what a ripoff Bridalplasty was, tonight.  Allyson won the biggest, fanciest, wedding of her dreams, puny as they may be, which clearly don't include getting a job... ugh.  They just wanted to show the girl with the most transformations, not an actual WINNER.  No competition allowed, because then Allyson would NEVER have won.  Puh-leeease.  Why didn't they just call it Fat Farm, and get it over with??  The laziest, do-nothing girl wins the wedding day... man, why didn't they just get ALL heavy girls??  And after her horrific language during the 'speeches'???  Ugh!  What kind of low-end yuck speaks like that??  That's disgusting.  I would LOVE to see pictures of her NOW, and six months from now, and guaranteed, Allyson will look exactly like she did when she first entered the Bridalplasty house.  Ugh.  I'm soo mad that we watched for all those weeks, thinking there really WAS a competition, and it was all in fun.  Ugh.  Man, I just canny hide me disgust, that someone that vulgar would have won such a pretty wedding.  Why didn't they give her some etiquette lessons, teach her how to write (did you see, when she was asked to 'write a speech', she didn't have a clue what to write, so she didn't write anything?  WTF??  But it's the foul, horrible language Allyson used, sooo readily, when the other 'brides-to-be' were asking questions, when Allyson was fighting with Janessa... pure filth. And why didn't they give her some JOB TRAINING, or some parenting skills, since I didn't see her say too much about her children in all the time she was away from them -- what mother doesn't miss her children terribly when they are away from her???  Ugh.  (How many times have I said 'ugh', now?? lol!  Not enough!!)

If they wanted to show 'most improved under the knife', why didn't they choose Alexandra, who has a very pretty face (but she has a terrible tongue, too...), or Lisa Marie??  Man, they could've done massive improvements on Lisa Marie.  Why bother going through all the ruse of Bridalplasty, if the producers had already chosen the one they wanted to makeover, from the beginning??  I know it's Reality TV, and you always think 'hey, is this thing rigged so the right sex wins, or the right size wins, or the right color wins, this time around (a theory of one of my friends...).  Then it's no fun, any more.  Why root for anybody, if the whole damn thing is fixed??  What up with that, Bridalplasty??

I thought it was interesting at the end, when they were showing how much was spent on each individual item for the 'Dream Wedding', and no cost was attached for Catering.  Really?  Is catering free, now?  That's typically the most expensive aspect of the wedding... and the Venue was FREE?  Not in California, it isn't.  NOTHING is free in Hollywood. Everything comes with a price.

Did you see all the 'couples' at Allyson's wedding?  Would have been waaay funnier if all of the girls had different men on their arms, but that's just cynical me... sowwy!  I was looking for something good in the show... but nothing.  Poor Janessa.  She would've seen through this as it was happening.. Janessa must be piiisssed. Even more than Cheyenne.  Do you think even Cheyenne realized the ruse by the time Allyson's wedding rolled around??  That none of the other girls stood a chance?  Why didn't they call it 'My Fair Lady'.. really, I want to say, why didn't they call it 'My Fat Lady', but how much twouble will I get into for saying the truth out loud??? haha!  Whatever.  I've been a fatty, and I went to the GYM, and changed my eating habits, just like everyone else who has successfully lost the weight... it's in not insurmountable... You can't look at that show and not see it for what it is, now.. really, all Allyson ever needed to do was go to the gym (d'uh), and get her teeth fixed.

Will I stop watching Reality TV after this Bridalplasty charade?  No.  I looove Reality TV. It's entertaining, and it's fun to write about... I just hope that if they bother to produce this show, again, they have competitions that are fair and square.  And I hope Janessa gets to go on the talkshows, too, so she can say her piece, because I'm pretty sure she'll have something to say about Allyson winning over her... even a coin toss would've had more fairness to it.  And those brides really went to town on Janessa... that was a lot of swearing, from these 'lovely' ladies... and I use the word 'ladies', very, very loosely! haha! 

Well, Bridalplasty's over, and Allyson had her Dream Wedding -- how long do you think the marriage will last?? As long as the weight stays off?  Whatever. In light of this very annoying ruse, they should've let each Bride-to-Be take all the things they had accumulated by the time they were 'voted off', home with them, the wedding dresses, the money, the trips, their teeth -- that would've been a fair thing to do, a little compensation for their time. Maybe that's why they couldn't call Bridalplasty 'My FAIR Lady', since there was nothing fair about it... otay, dat all da bitterness out!! haha!  And I would've been happy if Allyson had won in an honest way... surely they could have rigged it up to at least look fair... after all, it's a show for WOMEN, and we hate being treated unfairly!  Ugh.  There.  That's my last 'ugh! of da evening!!  I think I'll go have a Bailey's, watch some news, get me brain back on track!! lol! Ailsa xox

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#BridalPlasty: Janessa Gets a New Nose! : o ) (Yes, that's exactly what it looks like! lol!) #PlasticSurgery #Weddings

Janessa, you sly dog, you, and now with that new snout, man oh man, watch out, girls in da Bridal Plasty House!!  Janessa's out to be Number ONE!! lol!  Remember that Debbie Harry song, "I'm Gonna Be Your Number 1"?? haha! I used to always sing that, and for some bizarre reason or another, I really thought it affected the man I was with!! Made me his Number ONE!! hahahaha! (Okay, I'm just amusing myself, right now, thinking of that, and that I should totally try that again, see if it still works! hahahaha!  And maybe I'll get 'something done', too... it's hard not to think of that after you've just watched Bridal Plasty, then you go look in the mirror, think, 'Hmmm, what would I look like with the tiniest nose, ever? haha!  I think I'll let that thought pass me by, and I'll need to move away from L.A. as soon as possible, too, since you feel phenomenal pressure here to look perfect -- or fit someone else's idea of what is 'perfect'.. but you know what's really funny about actually living in Los Angeles, California?  I really don't come across very many truly beautiful people, here.  Nice people, normally attractive people, more than my share of sheer monsters (but enough about my workplace... buh-dum-bum! hahaha!  Oh, I kill me! haha! No one else, yet (yes, I'm afraid of going to jail, so I never do anything illegal.... enough to go to jail, God Forbid! lol! )...

Okay, sorry about that digression.. that has never happened to me, before... that I am willing to recall ; )

So Janessa has her new nose.  Could she breath after she got home in the Recovery Room?  And is Allyson on some wild and crazy painkillers that are making her pretend to fly in bed with her 'new arms'?? And are her arms still hideous, or is that just me??  Yick!  Why not just lift a few weights, Allyson?  I know you're not weighed down by a pesky job, or nuffin'.... or perhaps more weight lifting, less cake lifting??  Oh, I'm jam packed full of practical advice like that... I wonder why da fatties don't seek my counsel, no more, eh?? hahahahaha!  You know, I used to want to open a women's gym, but let's face it, I looove to work out with big muscley men... yum!  They're fun to watch, and they're waaay more willing to help me place the weights for my favourite 'Get Rid of Cellulite' exercises... (even happy to help! lol!)... but here's the thing about what happens when I'm saying to a woman who might like to get rid of her cellulite, or just to slim down, in general... almost invariably, the 'lady' (and I use that term fairly loosely... haha!) says she does not want to end up looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger, when I say the best possible way to lose weight and get nice arms and legs is to lift weights... any weights, just get to lifting them, the sooner, da better.. men never assume they will immediately be pumped up from a little weight training, but women do... funny, right?  How can I convince women to save their time and money, do some simple weight lifting tricks? I dinny know the answer to that... so no Women's Gym for me... maybe I'll open a Bar, instead!!  Would be waaay more fun, anyway, right?? Maybe I could combine them, so you're going around the weight machines, with a cocktail in one hand, a beer in the other, getting chattier and chattier the further you get into youse workout (what workout?? haha!)... Hmmm.  I'm looking for a new line of work, maybe that's what I should look into.... maybe I could serve desserts, too, since I loove to bake fancy treats... here's what I could do... I could bring in da customers with the offer of a Free Drink, show them around the weight machines, but make sure all the hotties were walking around, all hot, as hotties like to be.... then feed them full of Cheesecake and cookies, so they would leave happy, would gain back any weight they'd lost at the gym, and would be back for more the next day... see, now that's how to get repeat customers.... and all that from me wincing when I looked at poor Allyson's arms on Bridal Plasty, tongiht!! hahaha! 

Netty, poor Netty, was voted out of the Bridal Plasty house, tonight... but how poor is Netty?  Did you happen to see the rock on her finger?  And what, exactly, did she want to have done?  She was slim, pretty, lovely hair when she put it back... just a bad attitude, is all, and I'm pretty sure they canny correct for that at the Newport Beach Plastic Surgery Center, no matter how hard they try! lol!  These poor girls!  Too bad they can't pull a Heidi Montag, and get everything done while they're under the knife!  How handy would that be??  Just get a complete make-over in one fell swoop.  Would be easy... well, would be painful... and may or may not work out just like you wanted... and then you'd have to have that awkward conversation with your Mom about why you didn't like your genetic background, anymore -- just not marketable, Mom.... don't worry, your Mom will understand... maybe she can go in, too, have a few ribs removed, or something simple like that... how's the dog look? A little fat??  Ugh.  Nothing worse than an unattractive dog (or not fit for the Hollywood cameras, anyway) ... plastic surgery for pooches... sounds like a great idea, no?? hahaha!  Poor wee dogs!  If only we could love ourselves as much as we love our little dogs!!  Wouldn't that be a nice world?  Reminds me, I need a new dog!!  Must build a new house for new little doggie!! I'll get on that, right away! :)  (That's me, by the way... I had my smile fixed -- can you tell?  Now I look like every other smiley face in the world!! haha!  I draw a happy face on the board at school, all the time, for my students, who are hilariously funny, and who appreciate my sense of humour... I draw the two dots for eyes and the bracket smile, and stand beside it, say to them, 'Looks just like me, right?  Two eyes?  I've got two eyes... a smile... just like me -- and we all laugh and laugh... it's fun wee jokes like that that make your day a wee bit brighter, no?? haha!)

Who is this digressing all the time??  Is it still me??  Ugh.  This is not like me, at all.  Not at all.  That is the last time I have a wee drink during Bridal Plasty!! hahahaha! I laugh because that's clearly not the last time.... there are a few more episodes, so why would I even mislead you like that?  Makes no sense... I so sorry.  Sowwwy. Did you like the picture of Heidi Montag??  Good.  She did all that work for you, so I'm glad you like it.  Her, I mean.  It/her, whatever. Semantics, really.

You know one of my favourite moments on Bridal Plasty, tonight??  When Allyson, Eeyore-Allyson, says to Lisa Marie, THE most boring person I think I have ever seen on TV, and thus the very best possible competition for the truly motivated Janessa.... anyway, when down-in-the-dumps-Allyson tells Lisa Marie to 'snap out of it, pick yourself up, man'!! hahahaha!  Do you know how low you'd have to be for an Eeyore type to even begin to notice you needed to pick yourself up, cheer up a little?? hahaha!  Oh, man, this is seriously good TV!

I gotta tell ya', I thought those bouquets they made were hilarious!  Really, who doesn't know how to make a bouquet?  They're not being asked how to solve World Hunger, or how to build a simple rocket ship... nope, just put some pretty flowers together in the shape of a bouquet, tie them together in some fancy way, done.  Lisa Marie's sad attempt was soo hilarious, and Dominique's utter disgust for her flailing friend was fantastic.  I love that. 

Poor Kristen.  Are those new big boobs makin' her look stooopid, or was she like that when she got there?? haha!  Does she look like she's about to topple over?  Wouldn't it be hilarious if the plastic surgeon had to increase your foot size for every 'D Cup' you went up, so you wouldn't just topple right over?  Oh, I would laugh soo hard! Now that's the sort of thing that really appeals to my sense of humour! haha!  These girls... why don't they just have a baby, and they'll have huuge breasts before they know it?  They're about to get married, so just get to baby-makin', and save your money for a downpayment on a house, and you won't need to have your new giant bras custom made, either.... and why is Kristen always covering up her brand new breasts??  Always with the high neck tops and dresses, now, and how come the camera never really lets us have a good look at her?  You know waht I think is really funny?  Remember last week, when they kept showing Kristen with her top off, and just blurred her new boobs versus the 'old boobs'?  Did anyone else happen to notice that the new boobs are pointing outward, like one said to the other, "I'll meet you 'round back", and the other boob says, 'I'm already halfway there..." haha!  Really, she needs that gigantic bra just to make them stay in the middle! hahahaha!

We keep looking at Cheyenne's face to see how different her face looks with the new nose, but she's such a pretty girl, it's hard to tell. Maybe that's the mark of an excellent surgeon... you can hardly tell the difference, but you know the person looks really, really good... hmmm.  Or they topple right over... one or the other! lol!  Until next time, Love Thyself!  To Thine Ownself Be True, and all that (yes, well, I might have made some of that up...! lol!)  Oh, and Happy New Year!!!  Ailsa xox! :) (See, there I am, again.. two eyes, a smile, that's me, all right... :) lol!)I hope you're having THE best week, ever! Ailsa : )

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