Bachelor in Paradise
Summer of '16
Omg, finally, I can feel safe enough to write about Bachelor in Paradise - no more scaries on the show - for now - lol! But I think they're all gone, and we can just get down to all the fancy Romance on da beach - lol!
Ashley I goes on ONE date - You're Mine, now!
Well, Well, Wells - love that! This 'poor guy' - 3 women to choose from - what's a boy to do? lol!
Ashley I - this li'l looney - I hope this IS a little act for TV, because what a nut, but, sadly, I think there might be more of them out there - maybe it's from being overly entitled - who knows, but Ashley I TELLING Caila to leave - uh, no.
Glad Jared went with Caila, but, sarsly, Caila's not into Jared, or she wouldn't have left in the first place... it's all a ruse, folks - lol! Say it ain't so! hahaha!
Yick - that's my overall take on the Carly and the, Oh, okay, bleah - I guess I'll take you.... let me just get these blinders on, first... yuck, Evan - Mr. Creepy... lol! Yick! 
Aawww, I miss Daniel, already, and he's only been gone for one episode - I wanna say, gone for one week, but, you know, it might've been hours between the tapings - we're catching on to yer secrets, Reality TV - hahaha! I looove when people still call it Reality TV, like we haven't found a newer name for that... but I do looove Summer Programming - so much fun! : )
Oh, and I know somebody, who knows somebody, who met Daniel at a bar in Vancouver, a couple of weeks ago, and Daniel's totally fine - happy as ever - yay! Damn, Daniel! He was my fave, fo' sho'! So funny! : )
Here's the One True Love that's come out of Bachelor in Paradise - Josh looooves Mexican Pizza - yum, it looks soo deeelish - or, Josh makes it look sooo deeelish! haha! Totally made me laugh!
Not sure how much Josh loves Amanda, other than a little fling on a beach in Mexico, but it is pretty entertaining - lol!
Omg, how perfect is this for Evan - yick! Too creepy! But those sweatpants, though - Evan's fanciest sweatpants, for the lady he loves....
Okay, I'm right in the middle of da show.. hope After Paradise is a whole lot better, tomorrow night - yikes! Too dull for me to even watch all the way through - maybe if there was someone funny for Michelle Collins to bounce some jokes off of? (Not Sean - he's cute, nice, not a barrel o' laughs, if you know what me means....)
They need a whole lot more energy, and much better jokes... and better video of people calling in... all sorts of things... and, fo' sho', they need Chris Harrison to run it, then it's guaranteed to be great!
Okay, 'til later! Go find you' some really nice, Real Love! ; ) (Or a cookie - whatever... Love comes in many shapes and forms, am I right? haha!) Ailsa : )
Mostly Not... hahaha!
#BachelorinParadise - Ashley I. Has a Special Card to Give (force) Jared #TrueLoveForever (Pretty Sure! #lol) #Predictions!
Bachelor in Paradise: Predictions... let me look into mah' Crystal Ball (Okay, it's a Wine Glass... nooo, me joke! It's a shot glass o' Bailey's... nooo, it's Tea! hahaha! But that Shot o' Bailey's DOES sound good - and it IS a Holiday Long Weekend! lol!)
So, here's my Bachelor in Paradise Predictions - Ashley I. will think she's pregnant, after her one and only time with Jared, and then cleverly use the fake pregnancy scare to try to force Jared's hand, just that little bit more, into FINALLY marrying her - My God, how long does a girl have to wait, around here? A week?? Two weeks??? Whaaat? 6 weeks, 'til the end of the show, but then you're married, right? Isn't there a ring at the end? It was my understanding that there would be a ring at the end... I gotta clear this with Production - says, Ashley I.
Ashley I. makes a phone call, uses her old Rotary Phone, ring ring ring...Hello, 1952?
Sorry, 1952 is't here, anymore. Would you like to talk to 2015? He's the only one here...
No, thanks, I'll wait for 1952 to come back. I'm waiting to get ...MARRIED!!
(2015 hangs up, lost cause...)
(Now, here's a little aside from me, Ailsa, your little writer, right here.. I was proposed to on what was not even the First Date, we just met in a bar (with friends) - so, there's that, and we looked at houses THAT week - hahahaha! And I was engaged to, after 3 weeks, the first time around, soooo... you know.. there's THAT, too! haha!)
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And now, for the rest of my Bachelor in Paradise Predicitions.... lol!
Tenley and Joshua... Together unless Molly comes back for a visit, then....See Ya'!
Jade and Tanner...Together 'til Tanner decides he might like to have a real conversation, like, with word, 'n everythin'... but they might get engaged for the show... a real showmance?? lol!
Joe and Samantha...Nope. (Unless Samantha gives the go ahead, then, yup. Don't hold yer breath, Joe!)
Dan and Samantha...Nope. If she hasn't noticed/kissed/broken up with you, in the first few days, it ain't'a gonna happen... sorry, Dan!
Justin and Samantha... Nope. Justin's married to Mackenzie... He's MARRIED FOR LIFE! (No Backsies!) (Okay, you know I'm laughing really hard at mah' own little joke, there - hahaahaha!)
Samantha and Chris Harrison... MAAAAAYbe! hahaha! Me would'a loove that! lol!
Kirk and Carly... Done-zo! Carly can't find Kirk, anywhere... where he at? I thought Kirk was on Lockdown?? Stooopid Freedom of Choice, Free Will, you suck!! (Me joke, me loooove Free Will! Freedom, baby, that's where it's at! lol!)
Juelia and Mikey T....Everything's great 'til the TV cameras stop rolling, then Mikey T. is bombarded with offers form beautiful women all over the world, Juelia says, "Meh", hopes Joe will call... ; ) Mikey T. gets a call from Mucho Libre, permanent position for life - he can't get his shorts and mask on, fast enough : )
Jared and Ashley I....Jared runs off with Kaitlyn, who is now Footloose and Fancy-Free (Sorry, Shawn - you're gonna have to take a dive for this joke...hahaha!), Ashley I. gets a job at Disneyland as Princess Jasmine, lives happily (sort of) at Disneyland! Yay, Disneyland!!!
Ashley S. and Dan... Nope. Nope-a-Dope. (Soooowwyy!!)
Dan and Amber... Aaawww, No can do, says Dan. Okay, I'll wait, says Amber. (Note to Amber: Find you'self someone who loves you back - that'll be soo much better : )
Chelsie with an 'ie'... Who?? haha! Noo... maybe she'll find someone at, literally, the last second - hahaha!
Jorge and Everybody... Best Friends Forever!! Yippee for Jorge! He survived all the Drama of Bachelor in Paradise! #BFF ; )
Clare-Bear, JJ, Chris... everyone who left already... See you next summer, on Bachelor in Paradise!!
And I hope they keep doing After Paradise - I love it! Why, I'd love to be ON it! hahaha! They have space for a Bachelor Fan, right? lol!
I thought about the title, After Paradise - After Bachelor - After Bachelorette - After WORDS (because that might be a hassle, changing the name every time - hahaha!)
#AfterWORDS, with Your Host, Chris Harrison (APPLAUSE) That would make'a me laugh - I love a little 'WORD' play - buh'dum-bum!
#BachelorinParadise - Ashley I. Has a Special Card to Give (force) Jared #TrueLoveForever (Pretty Sure! #lol)
I've got something special for youuuuu...(it's a baby...shhhhh!!)
My favorite favorite thing about Ashley I. is that her biggest 'Claim to Fame' is that she is still a Virgin at 27...but not from lack of trying...hahahaha!
Ashley I. is 'still a virgin' strictly because of lack of opportunity - nothing to do with morals - hahahahaha! Way to sell yourself, Ashley I.! What, still no takers?
What if you trick them into parenthood, surely that would catch a man, right?? lol!
Ashley I. has a 'Special Card' for Jared, and she's determined to give it to him - yuck! Whatdahell, Reality TV? Hmmm...is there a level of responsibility in what happens on their shows, or, everyone's an adult, go for it?
It seems like Ashley I. is like a child - oh,man, I feel terrible saying that, but it's like she' more like a 12 year old, than a full on adult, right? Is the sheer amount of actual time you've spent on the planet, the only measure of maturity? hahahaha! Now, dat make'a me laugh! Oh, no! Me'laugh! lol!
And, soo, does the Bachelor in Paradise include some condoms, or is Ashley I. prepared in any way? Yick! If she's not prepared, which it certainly sounds like she isn't, that alone tells you she isn't ready... yikes! Ashley I. needs more than a Plan A... so she won't need to think about a Plan B. What da hell...if you're not prepared, as any reasonable adult should be, then you're not ready for anything... an asylum comes to mind, but I think she's just lacking in common sense and maybe could stand to read a few books, or a'somethin'.... hmmm, yick! Eeeww!
And Jared, if he goes through with it, groooosss, he needs to be held to the fire on that one, too, since he clearly doesn't have any real feelings for her, and from how he acted - and it did seem like acting- on After Paradise, he thinks Ashley I. is waaay too fragile for any level of truth... yick! Whole thing - Too Yick! ha! Bleah!
A letter, on BOTH SIDES, says Jared - bah'hahahahaah! That was, by far, my favourite line from Bachelor in Paradise, last night - ha! This poor kid can't get a full sentence out, when she's trying to talk to Jared, but she's built up a huuge (and permanent) relationship up in her head, with him, sooo, if this Overnight Fantasy Suite Date really does go through, yikes, this'll be the next picture we see of Ashley I.
Endless Tears for Ashley I.
She just seems soo vulnerable, and desperately trying to force a relationship, where clearly there isn't one - very interesting on After Paradise, tonight, when Jared says a lot of platitudes about Ashley I., then here comes Ashley I. onto the set....hmmm.
I mean, Ashley I. is obviously a very pretty girl, but, man, she just needs to wait until she meets a good man who really, truly, wants to be with her, and not Jared, and not based on anyone's particular jaw-line.
See, they're all fine... happy 'n whatnot! lol!
Carly wants to make sure her relationship with Kirk is on Lockdown, too...
I love the pics with their dogs! Chelsie, with an 'ie'.
Come on, Dad. Let's go home. I've got a bone to pick with you - or, could I just have the bone all to mah'self?, say da doggie! lol!
(That's the only time it's ever okay to say that stooopido line, "I've got a bone to pick with you" - so annoying, only annoying people say dat shiz...)
Chris is alll done with The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Bachelor Pad, Bachelor in Paradise... did I miss any? Oh, and After Paradise - Chris is officially retired from The Bachelor Franchise, but not from Looking for Love - lol!
After Paradise was okay, tonight - just so annoying that Samantha seemed to be ambushed by Jenny... hey, how about they switch Jenny out for Jason, then the money stays in the family, but we get more laughs? (Pweease? lol!)
That wouldda been soo much fun to have Kris Jenner on After Paradise.. but Molly Tarlov was really good - I looved that line that she had to confess that Samantha had been texting, her, too... so funny!
Come Sail Away, Come Sail Away, Come Sail Away With Meeee....
Oh, that reminds me, did you loove the little Rolling Stones music,
"I see a red door and I want to paint it black...."
I looved that! Cue the music, boys - so funny!
Aaawww, that's gotta be so hard for Amber, to have such a big crush on Dan, and he is not havin' it... that's gotta be painful... she needs a new guy to take her mind offa Dan - lol!
Oh, no - you know this made me laugh!
Summer lovin'. Some are not.
An oldie but a goodie! lol!
I love Jorge, and that Cucumber Drink, Jorge's Signature Drink, sounded deeelishush! Yum!
Sooo inneresting that Samantha says on After Paradise that she and Juelia were like 'show friends', not really 'real friends' - and there is a big difference...
Isn't that enough already of the Juelia was taken in by Joe-thing? I get it, he's a jerk, he went too far with his promises of the future, with Juelia, but, come on, it was ONE Date - that really annoyed me when Samantha came on After Paradise, specifically asked for Jenny not to be on the set at the same time as her, because clearly Samantha has had a ludicrous response from her time on Bachelor in Paradise, including death threats - that's crazy - it's a SHOW, for God's Sake... wow. That's so scary. And then Jenny sneaks back onto the set, anyway, attacks Samantha... that seemed excessive, to me. No. Get over it. She's been through the ringer, enough.
Anyway, everyone, to some degree or another, gets swept up in the idea of falling in love, or being in love, with someone who may or may not feel the same way, that's why Reciprocal Love is the End Goal, right? And it may or may not happen on a Reality TV show, in, oh, about a 6 week period (or a couple of hours?? lol!)... sooo, hmmm. Just seemed like an excessive response to the whole Juelia thing.
It happened to all of them, female and male, sooo, you know, move on, find someone else, who DOES love you back... you don't want to waste your valuable time on someone who doesn't love you back, so, really, Juelia, and Samantha (and all the other ones who had relationships fall apart, almost immediately) are the lucky ones. Have a wee cry, dust yourself off, say, "I release my past, I release my past, I release my past, no matter how recent", and move on.
And this business of women saying other women 'steal' their men. Nope. That's not how life works. No one person can 'steal' another person's love - it happens or it doesn't happen. And that's not to say people aren't beholden to a committed relationship, we're talking about a matter of hours, for some of these little relationships - is so silly... painful, but silly...
I'd love to see them all out on the beach, swinging their arms up in the air, saying,
"I Love Life, and Life Loves Me.
I Let Life Love Me Fully, Today, And I Love Life Fully Today, Too.
I Attract Love Into My Life. All Is Well, And So It Is."
Wouldn't that be nice? A whole pile o' well-balanced people, having a nice day on the beach? hahaha! Me jus' jokin'.. that'll never happen... now, back to the Drama! lol!
Samantha casts her Samantha Spells, all over the place - lol!
I wouldda laughed soo hard, if Chris Harrison had leaned in for a little o' that
Samantha Magic, himself - hahahaha!
Chris Harrison to Production -
"Oh, hey, we should have Samantha on - maybe on every show? Please?" lol!
Hmmm, how much longer for Jade and Tanner... unless it's a Bachelor in Paradise trick, and Tanner is saying he can't give Jade the Rose, because he's gonna give her... the Ring??
Hmm? Could be Tanner's hand, right?? lol!
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So pretty! Love this Bachelor in Paradise logo!
I like Tenley's little nice dates - so sweet, all loving and fun, no crazy drama - that's good picture of a good relationship : )
Hahahahaah! This date with Mackenzie and Justin was HIGH-larious - so cray-cray...
Soo, just take off your clothes, no worries, don't ask too many questions...
And, VOILA, You're MARRIED!!!
#SoEasy! (Think Amy Schumer - lol!)
Now Justin just has to figure out how to convince Mackenzie, who, mmm, proves you don't need an IQ test to become a parent - although, love comes in many packages, and a loving parent is a loving parent...
Anyway, now Justin is in a bit of a panic, to make sure Mackenzie doesn't really think they're married... hahaha! and what Nationality their children might be... bah'hahahaha! Oh, no... problemo. (That's Spanish, for ruh-roh)
Otay, 'til next time! Hope you're having a truly loving relationship, right now, or are juust about to meet the right person for you, have lots of fun!
Oh, yeah, that reminds me of a line a great friend of mine told me, years ago - you should have lots of fun with your partner, above everything else, they should be someone to have fun with, someone you can't wait to see, and someone who is good to you, and you are good to them.
You'd think that would be easy, but it takes time, baby... sometimes more than a quick glance, then immediate ownership, a la Ashley I. and Jared - haha!
Think, 'How much fun are they to live with?' That's a good way to decide if they're the right person for you, so you can be nice and happy, live a happy little life - or a happy great big life - even better, right?? lol!
See ya! Laters, baby! Ailsa : )
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