The 5 Love Languages - find out what YOUR Love Languages are, and Find out what your Spouse, significant other, family members, children (dog? Is it Treats? haha!), neighbors, co-workers, employees, contractors (is it money? time? hahaha!) - find out what other people might need from you, in order to feel loved, appreciated, secure, happy... all that good stuff! Make your relationships work : )
HIGHLY Entertaining, but for all the wrong reasons? lol! You'll laugh and laugh and laugh, and maybe pick up a li'l something, here and there, too, help you with all your relationships - and might give you some insight into some old relationships, too... overall, though, I laughed soo hard, all the way through this book, The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. I think it could be rebranded: Unintentionally Funny!
Add some wine, see if that will help - well, it'll help one of you - and hopefully both! lol! ; )
Okay, sooo, normally, I would never write about a book that I disagreed with so vehemently, but, however, The 5 Love Languages made me laugh more than almost any other book, was sooo a'crazy.... I just said to my son (who is wonderful), you know, I think I WILL write about The 5 Love Languages, because what other book has made me laugh as much as Dave Barry books? Not very many ... well, okay, lots and lots of hilarious books, but, you know, I'm makin' a point, here - lol!
Oh, man, I feel soo guilty, saying something baddie about any book, especially a book that prolly helps a lot of people, if you are maybe ultra-conservative, and it was still 2009, and, frankly, after reading this book, Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages, I was shocked - soo shocked - to see that Oprah had Dr. Gary Chapman (now he's a doctah') on her fabulous show, SuperSoul Sunday, which I love... so, clearly, Dr. Gary Chapman must have adapted his ideas since this book was written - or, I would hope so - I haven't seen that episode of SuperSoul Sunday, yet... I was busy reading Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages, which, for the record, me could not put down ... and I laughed my way right through the book...
Okay, so, first of all, one of THE most entertaining parts of the book were all the markings some loonie had written in the book - and this is a LIBRARY Book - now, who does that? Actively sits with a pencil, reading a LIBRARY book, la la, Oh, this is ME, fo' sho'!! hahaha! And then writes it right in there? It's a LIBRARY book - or, liberry, if you love books, AND liberry pie... haha! An old joke, but a goodie!
That, "This is me" really broke me up - hilarious! and it was after the WORST page, all sorts o' crazy stuffs... hahahaha! Omg, I laughed so hard, reading this book - absolutely, without a doubt, this book is accidentally hilarious.... provided you think the same way as me do - hahaha! (Uh, that Singles are NOT Lepers, and those words should not be easily interchangeable... in any context - bah'hahahahahaha!) (And to be SUPER-clear, in no way does the author say that, I just THOUGHT that, and it made me laugh! lol!)
Now, this particular edition of Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages, Singles Edition, is written just for Singles... the lowliest of all the lowly people to roam the earth (so, that's me... and, I have to tell you, I'm super-happy being "A Single", because being "A Married" was not fun, the vast majority of the time... and, frankly, as well as Shirley, (an old Far Side 'yoke for you, there - haha!), I loove to be Free to Be Me! It's fun - it's relaxing - it's super-easy...
And, I don't want to alarm you, but I'm also a PARENT. No, no, don't start sobbing for my existence just yet - as a SINGLE PARENT, which Gary Chapman refers to like Single Parents are THE most unfortunate people, ever, and how do they even look at themselves in the mirror? With Love, that's how I look at myself in the mirror, and I'm hoping everyone, even Single Parents, can look at themselves, straight up, in the mirror, and say, with complete and utter happiness and truth, I Love You, to themselves. (A little Louise Hay for you, there, too! lol!)
There was a whole section just for Single Parents, like we're a breed, where the kid, a boy, throws a football IN THE HOUSE (so this is a charming boy, but we don't know how old he is, just yet - maybe he's 8, or 10, say...)...
So the boy throws the football in the house, breaks something. Enter the SINGLE PARENT. We don't know if it's a SINGLE MOTHER (the saddest of all the Single Parents), or a SINGLE FATHER...
So the Single Parent enters the room, sees the damage, and says, (I'm paraphrasing, for extra fun...lol!)
"Oh, honey, you are almost always good, and I appreciate that about you"
(Read: the kid is a bad-ass, we all hate the kid) (hahaha!)
"You are gonna have to pay for that damage out of your allowance, Mister"
(Again, this is me paraphrasing, for waaay more fun - hahaha!) (And the kid will pay for the damage that HE has caused, out of the ALLOWANCE that this PARENT, nay, SINGLE PARENT, is going to give him - see any problems, there?? hahahaha!Omg, this was so funny, and I, of course, was reading this out loud to my 16 year old son, and we were both laughing so hard, was the bestest day, ever...)
Conversely, this Single Parent, and now I will have to quote accurately, because I could not make this up (nod to Dave Barry! haha!),
"You know you are not supposed to throw the football in the house" (so, this has happened before, perhaps daily, maybe hourly, or more...this is a truly horrible, fictional, child - haha!)
"Now look at what you've done. You've broken a glass. You know the results of this. Go put the football in the trunk of the car, and your allowance this week will have to go to buying the glass. " And then you walk out of the room.
Your child will likely put the ball into the trunk of the car while saying to himself, I try to obey the rules. I mess up one time and she comes in screaming at me.
A child rebels not against the discipline but against the manner in which the discipline is rendered. The child will feel rejected rather than loved.
Okay, let's just have a wee look at that whole interaction, and ALL the fancy information in this little tidbit of advice, specifically and directly for SINGLE Mothers... first, how the hell old is this 'child' - clearly, old enough to go to the car, open the trunk, put the offending football in it, and close the trunk, come back in the house... so, maybe he's driving, too? hahahaha! Otay, dat make'a me laughs, right there! We are NOT dealing with an 8 year old boy, but an active teenager, probably over 16... haha!
Oh my goodness, I just can't even (my favorite bad carpenter joke - haha!) ...
How WASPY is this story? Do you picture the Single Mother with a Gin and Tonic in her hand, saying that crap to the boy? hahaha! Omg, so funny! I could not stop laughing...
There was soo much, right through the entire book, so crazy, so offensive that it was funny to read out loud - I had to keep running through to my son's room, hey, listen to this, or I would arrive at his room, stand there laughing, clasping the book, hah, listen to THIS! haha... or I would shout through to him, from my reading spot on the couch (settee...), "Can you hear me? I wait for the "Yes : )", then read all the bits I think are soo crazy, so out-there, that I just cannot stop laughing... it's all in the interpretation, right?
Can you see this picture? The person who read this before me, with indeterminate male or female writing - ooh, I hope it was a fancy male writer, but who's to say? At first, I thought, now, what da hell? Who on earth would write in a library book, like it was their own personal journal? And then, mid-way through the book, I loooved the little notations, the underlinings, if you will, - was hilarious - and always, always, at the very worst parts...
And then, by the end, I was soo disappointed when I had to squint to try to figure out what the Crazy Person had jotted down, thoughts for later, maybe? haha! Little ideas for future relationships? Me tinkin' dat prolly not happening, for this particular jotter downer.. this little loonie! haha!
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot this part - good thing I took some pics of it, as I was going through, and could not believe what I was reading - and this is from 2009 - this is not an ancient text.... the man as Godly, and the woman as a gold digger? hahahahahahaha! Ah, personal, much? O' course, dat make'a me laughs, too... it all made me laugh... unintentionally... this was written as a very serious study on The 5 Love Languages... let me see if I can remember them...
Gifts (hilarious!), You better give this person lots o' gifts, or else... Gift Ideas for you! lol!
Quality Time (you have to force yourself to spend even more time - or any time - with these needy people, who you WOULD spend more time with, if they weren't so annoying, right? There's a reason you're not spending enough time with someone... hello... haha!)
See all those ingredients? Now THAT's Love - lol!
Okay, well, that's looks delicious, and it IS insanely delicious, so now I'm'a gonna have to make a Peach Pie! lol!
Oh, yeah (and I am looking at the book to remember this, not out'a mah' mind's eye - haha!)...
Acts of Service - this person wants you to do soo much stuff for them, all the time, or you don't love them any more. Neeeedy! No. Sometimes, this is super-annoying. I had an old boyfriend, who, maaaybe, didn't realize he was an old boyfriend? Anyway, he would come over and do all this housework, which I thought was super-weird... so, maybe this was his Love Language? Who knows - not me! ha! Whatevs... be nice to me, or I'm out - that's MY Love Language - hahaha!Oh, Words of Affirmation - hmmm... like, "Oh, I like the way you built me that house?" haha! Noo, that's just me - in da mirror! hahaha! And, incidentally (of nothing), I'm really only interested in someone if they want to build houses with me - haha! Like every girl... so typical...)
I can't think of any Words of Affirmation, right now - but here's the thing - you should be very comfortable with the whole saying, out loud, of the "I Love You" thing - to yourself, to your partner, to your children, to your parents, to your friends... they're very nice words, and too often, they are not spoken - out loud - that part is really, really important - or written - that's important, too - but you want to be very clear, abundantly clear, that you love the other person (and yourself - did I already mention that? Ha! I'm a'gonna always mention that Self Love thing - it always starts with you being good to your own self, then extend that out to others : )
Oh, and Physical Touch. You think? haha! My favorite part of the book is the whole focus on 'Physical Touch' being hugs, buuuut, well, you might want to take that a little bit further, see if that makes your relationships pop! haha! Sizzle, maybe... and if there's no sizzle, you're outta there, man... or, is that still me? hahaha! Prolly me.. but maybe you, too - lol!
I did love the story about the person he tells to go and give a hug to her mother, and she says, it's like hugging a flag pole - yikes! There's a whole lack of love thing going on, there - and it is so shocking how many families are soo disconnected, no hugging, never say I love you, would never dream of being nice to one another... that seems to be rampant, and can easily be fixed, soo, if you read this book, Gary Chapman's The 5 Languages of Love, you could definitely take some good information from it, and even more from his later books, I'm sure, to help married people, or people wanting to have better relationships with their family, friends, spouse, or co-workers... hey,mif you pick up a little tidbit that really works, and changes your life for the better, go for it, right? Yeah, baby! lol!
Grumpy Cat Say, No. Hahaha! My bottom line is, you treat me well, I treat you well, we're all good... when something feels awry, problemo...
When we all feel loved, supported, respected, cared for, well fed, well housed, no worries, right? Smooth Sailing, all the way! (To the bank? I hopes so! hahaha! And there should be a lot o' laughs in any good relationship, too, and some chocolate! lol!) Go give someone a hug, say, I love you - see what happens... omg, I almost forgot to tell you the whole bit about knowing when is okay to hug..or more... yeah, always, fo' sho', only hug the people who know you and WANT to hug you - hahahaha! Yick! Hello, being a normal human being! Is always good to remember to be decent, and on this side of the law - yikes! haha!)
And no makes Grumpy Cat mad... or, madder.. lol! : ) Hugs! Ailsa! : ) xoxo!
Okay, here are some more of Gary Chapman's Love Languages books - see what might work for you : )
I just watched Oprah's Lifeclass with Dr. Gary Chapman, and this is the copy of The Five Love Languages that Oprah held up, in case you want the exact same one - lol!
Well, if it works for your marriage, or for any relationships in your life, it's worth a read, right?
One of my favorite parts was when Oprah laughed soo hard, when one of the women in the audience was told to ask her husband, every night, "What can I do to fill your love tank, tonight?" and Oprah just about fell down laughing - hahaha! Best Oprah Moment, ever! I loved it!
But, for real, is a good idea, if you are having a tough time with any relationship, as the other person (or yourself!), do you truly feel loved? It's good to ask, but then you might just get an answer, sooo, be ready for some change - and make sure the other person asks you,too, since a relationship is only functional when it's a two-way street, right? (Usually....)
To All The Love in the World, and to a Full Love Tank! haha! That make'a me laughs! lol!
Dr. Harville Hendrix and Oprah Winfrey - Wow, So Brilliant, as always! lol!
So, here's another show I just saw - Oprah has her Super Soul Sunday, and sometimes Oprah will run an older show that really touched her, or transformed her, or a lot of her audience..anyway, I happened to turn that on, tonight (I've had it on the DVR for a while, I must've missed it...)
Anyhoooo, Oprah had Dr. Harville Hendrix on, and he was talking about how the emotional wounds from your childhood are played out, in order to be resolved, in your adult relationships - back in the day, that was almost always in a marriage, but now, you know, everything's different, now, and hopefully, and I really, really hope, that parents are much better informed for dealing with their children, so our own children aren't burdened for life by hurtful words or actions from the parents in earlier generations (and not always from parents - childhood wounds can come from other kids, other family members, outside sources...aawww, all those poor little kids, just trying to make their little way into their own lives.... I'll link this to my parenting page, for some tips, just in case... Love those kids! They're our future, and they're their own future : )
So, I was watching the show, and Harville Hendrix said a line that really resonated with me:
What is the deepest wound from your partner?
And what is your deepest wound from your childhood?
And then from me:
Has that affected you in any other relationships?
And guess what? Yep, I wish someone had asked me that in my last marriage... the first marriage was a nightmare, start to finish, horrifically abusive. What a monster, am disgusted he didn't go to jail.
And that's about the most I've ever said about that.
But for my second marriage, it really was a very hurtful wound, very hurtful words and feelings, from my childhood, that he triggered, and if that question had ever come up, and we could each have answered it, AND he was willing to make the actual changes to correct those problems, maybe that marriage would have survived and thrived. Maybe. There was a lot going on, there, too.... Divorce is never taken on lightly - very serious problems have existed for a very long time, before a divorce happens...
So, if you are looking for a new relationship, want some closure from an old relationship, or want to make your current relationship or marriage much stronger and happier, have a wee look at these books. Very, very interesting.
Open communication - real, actual, what is really hurting you so much, and then how do we work together to correct it - that's brilliant - I love that!
Good Luck with Your Love Life!! Giant Internet Hugs for you!! Ailsa : )
I am looving this new show on Slice - Seven Year Switch - it's a show that let's couples see what it would be like if they had married someone else - very inneresting, right? See if someone else meets your needs, or if you are coming up against the same old problems, then maybe it's something you're doing, in any scenario? Anyway, my favorite parts, o' course, since me a li'l bit o' a cynic (hahaha!) is when they say, "Well, this is worse than Swingers" - hahaha! Whaat? #KeyTherapy? That's funny - and I loove that the people who really couldn't stand being in their marriages, one more minute, they have THE biggest smiles, they're all laughing, joking, having a great old time... Plus, the houses are super-nice, soo, that DOES have a lot to do with your happiness level - not everything, to be sure, I know that firsthand, baby, but, two weeks of not having to think about the usual day-to-day worries, that would change everything.
Hopefully, the couples will get to see some personality traits that might be the cause of some of their marital problems - maybe not during the experiment, but possibly when they watch it back? lol! Well, one way or another, I'm lovin' Seven Year Switch - so far, so good!
And now onto the book -
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